The Bachelorette Recap (Snark and Highlights) for 7/3/2023
-Charity lets everyone know she is super excited about her first date and the guys are excited to get to know her better….and hope they get the coveted first one on one.
-I’m only five years younger than Jesse Palmer?
-One on one dates are exactly how they sound and there is a chance they get sent home at the end. Group dates are also pretty self explanatory, but they also have one guy getting a rose. Everyone else has to fight for the chance to get one later at the rose ceremony.
-Aaron B gets the first one on one with a clue that says ‘let’s build a love that will late a century.’
-Charity’s green leather jacket is super cute.
-Everyone puts their jealousy aside for a moment to drool over the car Charity drove over in….a hot red sports car.
-The two of them go to the Hollywood Sign and toast to the 100th anniversary. They also do a tour of said sign.
-To the surprise of exactly zero people who watched the premiere, that stupid coin Aaron had was double sided. I think even my cat, who was asleep next to me when I recapped last week predicted this one. We were all onto you, A-A-RON!!!!
-They have the usual relationship talk….never found love, there was cheating, bad shit that happened in the past, ready for real love….I can say this crap in my sleep now.
-Date card 2: Dotun, Tanner, Adrian, John, Caleb A, Caleb B, Kaleb K, (so, like, all the Caleb/Kalebs? Wouldn’t it have been easier to say that in the first place?) Xavier, James, Aaron S, Sean and Brayden are on this date with the clue ‘sun’s out, buns out.’
-Aaron B gets the rose and kisses. To the surprise of nobody.
-Lauren Alaina sings for them as they dance the night away.
-He has feelings for her….on a dating show….that he has been on for all of ten minutes. I mean, I know love at first sight exists and even know people who got engaged on the first date and are still together, but still….the whole thing sounds so scripted.
-Dodgeball? Really? I cannot see where this is a fun date. It just seems pointless and lame.
-Adrian wins and nobody is happy.
-Charity does her rounds and talks to the guys….and nothing of substance is said except they all like her, want to know her more and seal it with a kiss.
-Everyone seems to dislike Brayden.
-Guys are tattling to Charity that some of these guys are there for Spring Break and not her….making her question things. The guys are also not happy with this accusation.
-John gets the rose.
-The rest of the guys are on this date, which also includes Gabby and Rachel.
-This date has them breaking the longest kiss record, which was set by Sean and Lesley during his season….3 minutes and 27 seconds.
-These questions and talking about their previous best kisses is just odd. Not a fan of this kind of stuff.
-Joey and Charity broke the kissing record…4 minutes and 25 seconds. His prize is a one-on-one date.
-The other guys aren’t happy.
-The date is the usual dinner and exchanging life stories, sealed with a kiss and a rose. Or a kiss from a rose….or some such nonsense.
-There will be a BBQ instead of a cocktail party.
-Everyone mingles and tries to get time with Charity.
-Brayden talks about how the kissing date was disrespectful and although he handled it poorly, he kind of has a point?
-As an aside, Brayden is really killing it with the earring game.
-Adrian and Brayden are going to be enemies, I feel it in my bones.
-Charity is upset about the whole thing with Adrian telling her about Brayden not being who she thinks he is that she left.
-Adrian just put a big ole’ target on his back by running his mouth to the other guys about his conversation with Charity.
Rose Ceremony Time
-John, Aaron B and Joey all have roses.
-Charity’s dress is gorgeous.
-Dotun–he’s hot, but don’t remember much about him other than him reading the date card.
-Tanner–No clue
-Caleb B–Caleb with long hair
-Warwick–I don’t remember seeing him at all tonight, but he is cute.
-Michael–Who?
-Sean–Future villain according to previews.
-Xavier–hot future doctor.
-Did that one dude just yawn out of boredom and exhaustion?
-Aaron S.–He just fist pumped. He is now Fist Pumping Aaron in my recaps….if I remember.
-James–The one whose mom sent a care package.
-Adrian–Dude who tattled.
Final Rose Tonight…in case nobody can count or see there is one rose left. Can we seriously get The Count from Sesame Street to host a Rose Ceremony to remind us when we have one…one rose left?
-Brayden–Earring dude who is becoming a villain.
Eliminated:
-John Henry–he was my favorite and seemed so chill and cute.
-Spencer–the sweet, nervous dude.
-Josh–There was someone named Josh on the show?
The other two Caleb/Kalebs–I don’t know one from the other, but we hardly knew thee.
Next week looks dramatic. Stay tuned.
