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ACCEPTANCE
HOPE MARIE’S JOURNEY

Let's talk about Acceptance. Accepting a situation for what it is. You must learn to deal with it instead of dwelling and constantly complaining about it. What will bitching and continuously talking about it do? It will do nothing but bring you and the people around you down. 

My boyfriend, Brett & I were set to move out on November 25th. In the summer, we began apartment hunting and looked at about 10 places before choosing the right one. We needed to wait on the status of his job because it was merely contract work. On November 2nd, he'd either be let go or sign a contract for full-time work. I was excited, nervous, apprehensive and hoping for the best. I continued to think about great and awesome is was that I could potentially move out soon.

I sat and waited. I watched August, September and October come and kept preparing myself for the decision. I tried not to think about it, tried not to get my hopes up, but something happened. He received his contract and I was thrilled. But, he was still having issues with his company. His company kept twisting and turning on him and making him work a shift he was unable to do. Along with that, they'd talk behind his back and the contract left loads of unanswered questions. So, it was still up in the air. 

At the beginning of November, we were stuck with deciding whether we should move out and risk Brett losing his job or stay where we were-- living separately. I was absolutely disappointed. I wanted nothing more than to be with him and seek independence. I wanted to food shop, doing my own clothes, and paying rent by myself. Hell, I just wanted freedom and just come home to him and only him. I wanted to be able to see him every day and feel like an adult. 

But, then, his mother offered for me to move into their house for the time being while we both figured out what we wanted. My first response was, "no way, I just want to have our own place." I cried, became frustrated and debated this decision back and forth driving myself nuts. What the hell was the right move? Should I? Could I? Would I? Day after day after day, I thought about it. What did I want to do? 

It's not fair. His brother is 23 and has his own house. I am 25 and I'm could never ever live on my own at this time. My career is back and forth and I cannot get a grasp on my life. I would need to decide and think like an adult. I mean, I knew the right decision. In my heart, I truly knew I could not afford to move out, but I didn't care. I wasn't being realistic. I had to step back and analyze what was ideal and best for the time being.

Recently, I made the choice to move in with Brett and his folks. Sure, it's so not what I want, but if I truly want to see him more and figure out if we're truly compatible, I must do this. At the same time, I must make career choices. This is such a rough time in my life and guess what? Brett is going through the same thing as well as millions of others. I am not alone and I must accept my life. I will never give up. I must begin to accept it (for now.)

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