Chronicles of Evil Brody
Thursday March 30, 2017

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Chronicles of Evil Brody: Evil Brody Answers your Evil QuestionsChronicles of Evil Brody 
Evil Brody Answers Your Evil Questions

I have been truly surprised by the popularity of my Chronicles. Each time I post an entry I get one or two of you out there liking my stories. I was not prepared for such an outpouring of support from the public. I can't even go to the grocery store anymore without having to say HI to each and every person that walks by. I know that people only want me to say cute things like Hi and Mama, but seriously people my vocabulary right now is larger than most educated Chimpanzees. So please, show some respect. The thing that surprises me most is the amount of letters I get from fans asking me for advice. And of course being the willing servant of those who will come to serve me; of course Evil Brody will answer your evil questions. 

Tommy (Stratford, CT ) How do I start my own Evil Empire?

EB (Evil Brody): You can't, everything will be under my dominion, but you could strive to be a Regional Governor or something. My advice to you is start small. You can't hope to be the Governor of CT until you rule your own home. Show your family that you are in charge. I personally like sleep deprivation and causing property damage as a tactic, but you need to find what works for you. I am sure that with a little bit of hard work, persistence and by swearing allegiance to me, you will have a very bright and Evil Future ahead of you. 

Avery (Brooklyn, NY) As a fellow red-headed Jew I am not sure how you plan on getting people to follow you? No one likes red heads Or Jews, and you have the double whammy!

{sidebar id=8}  EB: Avery, thank you, great question. The answer is simple - be stealthy. Starting at 12 months old I have been dying my hair with peroxide to get that platinum blond look, and have you ever met a Jew named Brody? Seriously, I couldn't sound more Irish Catholic If I got drunk and started singing Danny Boy at 3 in the morning in front of Saint Patrick's Cathedral. But don't worry when my reign is at hand I will decree that everyone will have to become a red-headed Jew. 

Grayson (Buffalo, NY) Mommy and Daddy had a new baby. Where do new babies come from and can I send it back? 

EB: They come from Mexico, but sending them back is much harder than you would think. And right now the democrats are trying to give them amnesty. I don't really have any good answers for you about how to send the little bugger back. The only advice I can give is to make sure Daddy doesn't pick up another one. Any time Daddy talks to Mommy about heading south of the border, later that night you know it is your time to act. Whatever you need to do to keep that from happening, you must. Cry, scream yell, break things do whatever you must. Make sure he never has an opportunity to board another flight. As near as I can tell most flights down south only happen late at night. But be careful. If Daddy crosses the Rio Grande just one more time, you might have a house full of Mexicans. 

Evan (Brooklyn NY). My daddy didn't change my diaper right away one day and I didn't want to take over the world. Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?

EB: No sir, I do not. I get this question all the time and it infuriates me.  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Daddy didn't change my diaper quick enough when I was young.   I now have to destroy him and bring the world under my dominion.  This is not that much of a stretch. Let me turn this one around on you.  Your Daddy let you sit in filth for quite some time, and you don't want to destroy him and take over the world.  Do you plan on being a victim your entire life, or just until you reach the age of 5?  Please let me know, I am curious.  

Well thanks again for the letters everyone, keep them coming and I will do my best to answer all your Evil Questions.

Yours Truly,

Evil Brody

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