Chronicles of Evil Brody
Friday April 28, 2017

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There has been so much going on in my life lately that I have not had an opportunity to update this record in quite some time.  Just to list a few things: I have mastered the art of walking; I have turned one year old; I have had five new and excruciatingly painful teeth rip through the surface of my gums; and Daddy got me kicked out of day care. But none of that seems important right now, because I found out some very disturbing news.  I have just learned that even though I am only 17 months old my share of the national debt is $54,000. Are you  kidding me?

When I was born I felt lucky to be born in the greatest country in the world.  I am an American citizen after all.  We are the envy of the entire world, and even though I lost the Daddy lottery I feel that my opportunities were limitless.  Then I found out about the national debt.  This time, Daddy, you screwed me good.  What was it that was so important that you had to put me into this kid of debt?  A couple of air craft carriers. A tax cut so you could afford to stuff you face with the finest of fast-food burgers.  Why, wasn't McDonald’s good enough for you?  Why did you have to go to Five Guys?  And don't get me started on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  If I have to play nice with Timmy even though he made me fall down and go boom, why can't you play nice with them? OR AT THE VERY LEAST DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THE BILL.  If I give Timmy a Pow Pow that is my decision, and I won't make you pay for my actions for the next 40 or 50 years.  

 {sidebar id=8}There is a cloud over everything that I do.  Do you think it is easy concentrating on finger paints - or world domination - when I think about how many hours I am going to have to work to pay off your debt?  I have been waking up at night in a cold sweat thinking about how difficult this is going to make everything.  Do you think I will be able to afford to take out loans to pay for college if I also have to pay for your reckless behavior?  Mom thinks my crying at night has to do with teething.  I would gladly feel the pain of 100 teeth ripping through my gums than have to deal with the indentured servitude you have condemned me to live in.  

I don’t understand this.  I know parents are supposed to want more for their kids than they had themselves, but I just never thought they were talking about debt.  This recent occurrence has left me with only a few options to consider.  

  • Option 1 - I need to start working.  I know that there are some good jobs to be had in the oil industry.  Now that I am walking, and have a pretty good handle on going up stairs, I am pretty sure I could handle almost any job on an oil rig.  
  • Option 2 - Live off the grid.  I am already used to eating things once they have fallen on the floor.  Eating a half-eaten pizza out of a garbage can cannot be that different than eating a blueberry off the living room floor.  
  • Option 3 – Or finally, do to my kids what my parents have done to me.  Pass on the debt to them.  Why should I have to worry about how my actions might affect my children?  My parents have not done the same for me.  
I really need to think about the next actions that need to be taken.  But one thing is for sure, no matter what I choose: Dad I am going to put you in the worst possible nursing home I can find.  I hope that your bed sores are as painful to you as your debt is to me.  

Yours Truly,

Evil Brody

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